Cause and effect is not only of earthly life, it also goes beyond space and time. Cause and effect is oneness of all space, and oneness of all time.
Cause and effect lives in a single moment.
The moment that is both effect from the past actions and the cause for future from current actions.
How is cause and effect transcendental?
Cause and effect is relationship. It tells of the oneness of life, through relationship of outer and inner life beyond space and time, beyond social and scientific realms of understanding.
It transcends because it is eternal and in the moment.
As I move along this life, more and more things demand my attention and pulls my thoughts in many directions and require so much of me. I feel lost, frustrated, pulled in so many ways.
As I notice this, I also notice, my heart is tethered to something more than this existence.
My heart is connected to the deeper purpose of my life and life itself.
I used to pray for everything to go right. I still catch myself in that pattern often.
Today, I caught myself again, reaching out to all known and unknown sources for everything to be ok, right now.
As soon as that thought came through, I felt a bit of shock, here is a way of thinking that wants to avoid the bumps in the road.
I paused, and realized with my whole being, that this thought has kept me small. I realized that no matter what I’m facing, sadness, anger, frustration or stress, that this storm within me, that I’ve been trying to avoid all my life, is actually a part that makes me whole.
The human existence gives me the experience of life itself, to see deeply into my own subconscious thoughts, and to polish them to see more clearly, how they help to shine light on a brighter me.
How the trials and tribulations of my life, make me balanced, as well as the joys of life, as they are one within each other, so they are one within me.
Ever read about someone else’s story and feel tension growing in you?
Is it envy?
What can envy tell us? Envy, no matter how it reacts in your body, as negativity towards others or negatively toward yourself, envy has a message.
The message I got today, after reading about the success of an author sharing her story, was that I wanted what she has.
What I felt was an idea of success. Success in putting out her expression, freedom to do what she loves, and not being tied down to a certain, structure. Of course, this is my distorted view, this is envy for me. I felt like I’m not good enough, I’m not talented, or know the right people, or just smart enough.
Then this question came up, “ Can you love yourself enough, to give that to yourself?”
At that moment, I realized that I need to build confidence in my body, to take action, to allow it to do whatever it is I need to do. Allow myself to release from fear of imperfection, which causes conflict when not meeting other people’s expectations.
The real question is can I love myself enough, to take that chance? To stop expecting my body to be something she is not. To create a connection and relationship to the changing needs of my body, as I move into another chapter of life.
Struggling one morning to get zipped up, fighting against time and the stiffness of a frozen shoulder that has also traveled through my neck and lower back, I started to sweat, clench, and become overwhelmed with frustration.
I stopped , rested, and tried again. And again, and again, and again. My frustration grew into anger. My jaws clenched even harder . Thinking about how long this was taking me, the pain felt like a sentence of weak, vulnerable, dependency.
I took a deep breath and noticed this. Noticed the emotions and thoughts running through my mind more deeply.
I thought… insanity! I was trying to force my body to flex in ways that it couldn’t, and causing myself more pain in the process.
I allowed my body to cool off. And tried to think of a different way. My thoughts didn’t want to let. I should be able to do this, I did it before.
I spoke out loud the pain I felt, where I felt it, and how it felt. (Yeah, I’m a bit weird that way. My massage therapist had suggested this, actually.). It worked!
This experience from the surface may seem, blah, so what.
From the inside, I realized several things. First , forcing something over and over again gets me no where, except frustrated, angry, and tense.
Secondly, to be kinder to my body. My shoulder in pain, yet I persisted to push that arm to move in ways that it just couldn’t. In all that I do, to stop pushing myself, and to be more compassionate with myself, my abilities and flexibility.
Lastly, I’m very persistent and determined. But listen to my body. Trust that there’s another way. A way that feels good, that is kind, that is compassionate, and to give myself a space of grace.
Paying attention to our inner struggle, is where we are able to notice ourselves, our thoughts, and where we can become more compassionate with ourselves to let go of the struggle by creating a shift in our frame of mind and begin to see things in anew light.
Could it be self discipline, to do things we don’t want to do, but should do, must do as a response-able citizen, mother, daughter, employee, business owner?
Controlling our emotions, controlling our bodies natural instincts. Could look like drink energy drinks to control our sleepiness, to fooling our body with outside influences to raise our energy, while our bodies cry out for sleep!
Today, while getting ready for work, finishing up my breakfast, I noticed my internal voice making excuses to put off going to the restroom neglecting the natural sensations of my body. “I need to make my waterbottle first, oh I need to wash the dishes first”and so on.
Looking for the deeper truth, knowing that these thoughts have formulated through past experiences and grew into unconscious patterns.
When I was a kid my dad used to teach us to have a strong mind and control our bodies. He would tickle me and tell me not to laugh. I learned to dissociate from my body. I realized that this had been engrained at such a young age that I didn’t have the capacity to understand the power of balancing this behavior.
While what my dad was trying to teach me was well intentioned, it went too far. It went too far because fear was the motivating factor.
Self control is appropriate in some cases, yet it’s so important to remind ourselves to check in, and to find the place of the middle way. To find balance.
If this doesn’t happen, attachment and extreme ways of thinking and behaving manifest with pain and struggle.
So, if this sounds familiar, using self control, self discipline, and mind control to move ahead in life, and you want to find balance, tired of pushing, and driving forward, I invite you to take some time, relax your mind, and find ways to come back to center, to the place where balance starts.
This morning a feeling of loneliness washes over me. My first instinct is to think of something that makes me feel connected, but instead today I’m deciding to dive in.
The air feels dense, it’s quiet. I sense nothing. No one in the house, no sign of life but my own.
Am I connecting to myself becomes my first question. Well, apparently so, since I’m noticing this feeling in the first place.
Where have I felt this before? Memories of feeling so alone when people were mean to me. I felt the most alone. Connected to someone else’s criticism, anger, blame, shaming, into me.
It’s interesting that I would feel so much, connecting to their feelings, and yet feel so alone.
I realize I often lose myself in other people’s suffering and forget about me, what I feel, what I think, where I stand.
As I’m writing this, I’m feeling more present in myself, less feeling of loneliness.
Somehow, writing these feelings, thoughts, insights on paper brings me closer to my heart. Allowing the feelings to flow through words, helps me to feel connected even more.
More than spoken language, these words share a lasting vibe that I can go back to, reconnect to in the future.
I’ll able to feel into this again, reminding myself of this way of reconnecting to my inner world in times of unexpected loneliness.
Taking it all in, breathing into my body, paying exquisite attention to the very details of the sensations in me.
Loving them, embracing them, and honoring me for this moment of self awareness to love myself and empathize with the self.
Heartspace 